Hammocks

It was a perfectly good, normal morning when Frankie entered the room and announced...

"We need a hammock."

I'm taken aback.  Where the heck did that come from?

I confess a hammock was not something I gave much thought to because mostly I've just seen people being 'tossed' out of them as thought the hammock didn't want them there in the first place. Also, I've seen videos of dogs getting stuck in them, kids desperately trying to get into/out of them, couples uncomfortably cuddling in them, and as I've said mostly people being 'tossed' out of them.  But mostly we certainly didn't need one.

I suspected I was going to have a battle on my hands because Frankie had that look she was not going to 'give in' easily...she wanted a hammock.

Shoot!!!!!!!

My main argument against a hammock was that we had no room for one.

Frankie immediately went to the tool box and extracted the tape measure.  She went out onto the patio and began to measure off the area she suspected a hammock might fit.

Uh,oh.

I followed her outside and began to make my case against this purchase.  "Frankie, they're dangerous, especially for (grimace) 'old people'.  I could break an arm, a leg, a hip trying to get in and out of it."

She ignored me and kept measuring.  

Over the next couple of days the discussion over a hammock continued.  Soon a catalog was (literally) shoved under my nose and double chin.  There in 'living color' was a hammock.  This girl had done her homework!  Not only was it NOT macramé, it was stationary.  The hammock itself has a twill washable fabric that firmly anchored to each end of a sturdy metal frame.  It even came with a matching carrying case should you want to dismantle it and spend a day at the beach.  Then circled in a broad permanent marker was the price, and last but not least the dimensions; a perfect fit for the area Frankie had so carefully measured off.

The price was reasonable, and after examining the picture to establish there was little likelihood this contraption would 'spit' my body out I agreed to make the purchase.  

With the speed that an item can be shipped the hammock arrived within a few days and Frankie and I proceeded to put the thing together.  That was a piece of cake, great instructions, and with the exception of 'human error' (we had attached the hammock itself up-side down to the frame) it was ready for occupation within a half hour.

Of course Frankie went first and gave a glowing review; Muse, coming out of a good long sulk came next.  She also approved.  Finally it was my turn, Surprise!  The hammock accepted me, I wiggled and squiggled myself into a perfect comfort spot and settled in.  I wish you could have seen the looks on their faces when I refused to budge from the comfort of MY new outdoor bed.

On the down side, I've tried reading in it, playing I-pod games in it, enjoying the breeze, clouds and chirping birds in it all to no avail.  I LOVE IT because, within minutes I am sound asleep.  Do I share with the girls...no, not really. However, if they happen to get up early I do let them argue over whose turn it is to use it.

Frankie...get out of there!

Every Old Woman Should Have a Pig.

Once upon a time there was a Boutique (that’s a fancy name for a store) in a quaint little town.  In the Boutique there were quaint handmade items from countries and nations around the world.  One day an Old Woman ventured into the Boutique.  She was delighted and fascinated with the colorful scarves and fans.  She spent time applying finger puppet animals and birds to her fingers, making them dance up and down.  Then she spied some bracelets, that sparkled in the morning sun and she thought about buying one, but walked by instead.

Old Woman took her time walking up and down each aisle marveling at the imagination of the folks around the world who spent their days making these marvelous items.  She tried to be very careful when she picked something up for close inspection, because the sign clearly stated “You broke it, you bought it”.

As she meandered about she spied a bucket filled with small black objects.  Gathered together in a mish-mash Old Woman was not even sure what they were.  Spying a wrinkled sign sticking out of the middle of the bucket she took it out and read it.

                                                          LUCKY THREE LEGGED PIGS

Well, she thought, what Old Woman could not use a little good luck.  So she began to sort through the pigs, looking for the ‘just right’ one.  Some had eyes slightly cockeyed while others had snouts slightly out of kilter one nostril quite larger than the other.  Sadly, none of these pigs seemed to ‘speak to her’ and Old Woman was about to turn and leave when a lopsided smile caught her attention, carefully she dug the smiling pig out from under the others and held it carefully in the palm of her hand.

“Cash or Card?”  The Boutique clerk inquired.

“Cash.”  Replied Old Woman as she handed the clerk some money.

“Would you like this in a box, or will a bag be okay?”, asked the clerk.

Knowing Pig would be going home to live, Old Woman settled for a bag.

The clerk carefully wrapped Pig in paper and placed him in a brown paper sack.

Pig’s world went dark, little did he know what was about to happen.

After quite some time and a lot of jostling around Pig came to realize he was at last on a solid surface.

Soon Old Woman picked up the bag, opened it and started to un-wrap pig. Something small and dark tumbled out of the paper and fell onto the table.  What in the world is that pondered Old Woman?

She finished unwrapping Pig and found…Lucky Pig was not so lucky after all, one of his three legs was missing.  Uh, oh.  It was a clean break, and there was no bleeding, but poor pig… simply could not stand on just two legs.  Old woman was beside herself, and absolutely inconsolable.  The accident must have happened when she had dropped the bag while trying to unlock her door.

Old Woman closely inspected Pig, and the broken leg; she felt with a little first aid from her super-duper heal-all glue she just might be able to make Pig stand on his own again.  Patience…it turns out…is a virtue!  Before long Pig was mended and almost as good as new; well except for the shiny glue scar on his back leg, permanent evidence of his terrible accident.

Next morning Old Woman gave Pig’s back leg a good jiggle and tug she was pleased to see super-duper heal-all glue had done its job.  Later that day Old Woman and Grand-daughter wondered if Pig should be lacquered to be shiny all over, but they both rejected that idea.  In the end they felt that Lucky Pig should be proud of his shiny scar as a symbol of just…exactly…how lucky he is to live with Old Woman.