Tuesday, September 30, 2014

I'm perplexed...

...about a lot of things.

For instance, what is the difference between a weed and a wild flower? Is Queen Anne's Lace a weed? Are Thistles and Chicory wild flowers? And, are herbs also weeds or wild flowers?  And, if a weed or wild flower is cultivated into a domesticated plant, is it still a weed or wild flower?  For instance the wild geranium, now domesticated into a summer garden staple.  And, what about the roadside Aster?  

I'm perplexed about insects.  What makes a moth a moth and a butterfly a butterfly?  Who decided which would be which?  What is a centipede?

Then there are fruits and vegetables.  I don't think I will ever understand the logic of that.  I believe at first it had something to do with if the seeds were on the inside, or out.  Strawberry as compared to tomato...however, they are both fruit...so how do you 'splain' that?  And, what the heck is up with the avocado?  I've recently learned it is a 'large, one seed,' fruit?  Really?  Then what about the Capote squash? It's large with one seed, is it a fruit or a vegetable?  Are all squash fruits?

Then of course, there's the Duck Billed Platypus?

Oh, oh, and what about Thunder Snow.  The one and only time I was fortunate to witness that, I was astounded...and very perplexed indeed.

Why can't I lick my elbow?  Yet, in my youth I was able to touch my big toe with my tongue.

Why are the best tasting foods (chocolate cake) bad for us, while the worst tasting (rice cakes) good for us. Why don't they make lettuce taste like chocolate and chocolate cake taste like lettuce?

I'm starting to get a heady-ache, I'm going to have to stop.

Just one last thing.  If water's do dang good for you, how come it does not taste like Jim Beam...if it did, I'd be drinking a lot of that.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Mr, Goldberg (fictitious name)

I got to thinking this morning about a man I knew in the days of my advertising career, and of the morning a friend of mine informed me he had passed away.

I'll call him Mr Goldberg.  He was a buyer/department manager of the men's/boys, women's shoes Budget Store, in the town's exclusive 'upper class' store.  In all the years I worked in the advertising department he was my favorite buyer.  He was short in stature, an older gentleman, and had a gold tooth that shined like sunlight when he smiled and spoke. He was (of course) Jewish, and that is not meant in a derogatory way, but in a way meant to make him even more endearing.  He wore silk suits, and beautiful ties, with tie tacks and cuff links that matched. He was ever a fashion plate.  He smelled good, too.

Mr. Goldberg was my source for high heeled shoes.  Since I have such a small foot when a new shipment of shoes arrived they always had #4 Sample Size shoes, and Mr. Goldberg set them aside for me.  With my having 'first choice' at the shoes, and my employee discount I had a shoe collection bar none, in colors for every outfit I owned.  It's good to know somebody on the 'inside', so to speak.

Mr. Goldberg was amazing.  He wore a white gold diamond ring, with many sparkling stones, I admired it greatly.  So much so he would occasionally allow me to wear it.  Oh, it weighted heavily, and was much to big for my fingers, so I did not wear it often, or for a long period of time because I didn't want to lose it, but the fact he trusted me to wear it at all speaks to the kind of person that he was. 

He was always tardy when it came time to bring his copy and merchandise to me for the ads he wanted to run, but because he was so dear, I was never frustrated about it.  I knew eventually he would show up, arms laden with merchandise and his hallmark greeting of Sa, sa, sa, sa-andy.  We would discuss what kind of layout he wanted, and generally I would comply, we were pretty lucky when it came to selling his wares. We made a good team.

So, when he learned I was moving to California, of all the folks I worked with he was the one who wrote a glowing letter of introduction and recommendation for me.  I still have it to this day.  And, of all the people I worked with all those years, he is the one I missed the most.  As a result, on the day I heard of his passing, I was saddened. But, then the vision of him showing up to my cubical, clothes in his arms, gold tooth shining, diamond ring glistening, Sa-sa-sa-sa-andy passing through his lips, I was comforted and I know I will see him again, some day. Maybe, just maybe I'll get to wear that ring again.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Shame on me

Yesterday morning I was outside, yanking my summer umbrellas out of the ground, and folding them up preparing to store them for winter. I knew I was going to have to let them dry out for a couple of days, because of the lovely rain we had this week.

Of course, Zorro was out with me and he began to do his dance up and down the fence line so I knew somebody must be walking their dog down the street.  Lo, it was Bird Lady and her dog.  She did not see me, but I had clear vision of her.  

Well, my, my, my.

Ms. (we have to obey the laws) Bird Lady, turned the corner leading over to the school property to walk her dog and, as she did...she unleashed her dog.  Wow, I thought...wow!  Then, even more surprising, she kept walking while her dog pranced across the street, squatted and pooped!  

Did she turn around to bag her dogs 'business'?  No, she did not.

Well, color me stupefied!  Which by the way is the color of the three day old bruise you get after you've walked into the edge of your coffee table.

I could not believe my eyes.  However, I put this incident out of my mind, because as I was folding the second umbrella a bunch of rain water sloshed out from under the new cover I'd installed over the original one, and I got my feet wet.  Ugh!

After that I went about my chores while waiting for my groceries to arrive.  As I was finishing putting the last of the canned goods away, Devil whispered in my ear.

Devil:  "Did you see what Bird Lady did this morning?"
Me:  "What?"
Devil:  "Bird Lady, do you remember what she did this morning?"

I wrack my brain, what the heck is he talking about.  

Devil:  " 'Bird Lady' broke the law.  She took her dog off the leash."
Me:  "Holy smoke, you're right!"  Oh, that revelation was wonderfully glorious.
Devil:  "Even more," he hissed, "though it's not a law, she did not pick up her doggies poopie, did she?"

I'm stunned, this was the lady who went around the school property and installed 'poopie stations' filled with plastic bags so people would have no excuse to not bag their doggies poopies.  And, today she did not bag that of her own doggy.

Well, my, my, my.

Devil:  (Filled with glee.)  "Oh, goody, let's call somebody...we've got to report this.  She broke the law, she broke the law."  

Devil was dancing around on my should so delighted he almost fell off. Sadly, at that moment I was indeed sorely tempted to agree with him, I very badly wanted to call somebody.

It suddenly occurred to me Angel was nowhere around.  It's unlike her not to chime in.  This revelation gave me pause, as I always appreciate her input.  Apparently I was going to have to handle this on my own.  

I brushed Devil off my shoulder.  It had taken several years for me to forgive Bird Lady for reporting me to the city Health Department, and the lifting of that weight was of great comfort to me.  I could retaliate, this was a perfect opportunity.  But, I thought better of it.  We are all guilty of imperfections, we all err.  Perhaps, she was having a bad day, perhaps she was deep in a perplexing situation...who am I to judge. Someday karma will intervene, that's her job not mine.

Shame on me, Devil almost made me do a bad, bad thing. 

Thursday, September 25, 2014


Ever since I started my store, I go on line and check out what colors are going to be popular that particular holiday season.  I just got done doing that last week.  One of the web-sites as well as having the popular colors also stated that the frosted/icy look is going to be 'in' this year as well as 'chevron patterns'.  Okay, I can easily do the frosted/icy look thanks to one of my computer programs, however, the 'chevron' what-ya-ma-call-it kind of threw me a curve.  Well, a chevron isn't really a curve, it's a "V".

I immediately went to my clip art program and type in chevron.  I got nuttin'.  Okay, maybe chevrons fall under some other category and I do some investigating.  Again, I got nuttin'.  I decide I will make my own.  I type in 'holiday borders' and a lot of borders do indeed come up, and I cut and paste them into my publishers program.  Now the trick is to move them around till they look like a "V".

Remember how we learned things in school and thought to ourselves...And, when in my lifetime am I ever going to use this?  Well, even though I didn't actually use mathematical computations, having studied angles, quadrilaterals, hexagons, etc it was very helpful I had learned about them and was finally using them. My first couple attempts were not terrific.  I had a hard time keeping the chevrons in a straight line. Even using the rulers (thank goodness I learned how to use them as well) along the vertical and horizontal edges of my program, I could not get them the exact size and shape.  I even tried making 'text boxes' and confining them in that, but they still weaved out over the edges of the box.

Then, I got 'clipped up side the head' by a proverbial two by four, and the a-ha moment came.  Make one chevron, and then rather than try to duplicate the first by making a second, simply 'copy' the first and paste it up against it.  Oh, my gosh...worked like a charm.  Man, I was off and running. Sadly after all the time and labor I've put into all these chevrons, I've discovered I'm not fond them, but I've decided at least I'm going to try to use them some how in my upcoming holiday merchandise.

Anyway, the gist of this blog is, that you just never know when all those things you've learned in school and you thought you'd never use, might some day actually be useful.  For instance, whatever has happened to cursive writing, good old-fashioned math...but, those are whole other blogs.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

I swear,

I can see the grass growing.  No joke, I think I can.  Remember a while back I mentioned how awfully sad my front yard looked, and how I really, really studied it and discovered microscopic green hidden deep within the brown?  And, how that gave me hope I was not going to have to reseed the whole thing.

Well, guess what?  This morning I threw open the living room drapes, and opened one of the windows just a sliver, to get some fresh air to filter through the house and I was stunned.  There, (I swear) I could see hints of green throughout the yard.  Seriously!

There were always some spots where the yard stayed green all summer, you know, the parts that never had direct sunlight, so when I saw all the itty, bitty green running through the lawn this morning I thought I was going 'nuts'.  This couldn't be, could it?

I'm not exactly sure why this surprised me so, because I have plants that can grow as much as a foot overnight during the summer, like my hops, and the wild honeysuckle my neighbor grows around her deck lattice work fencing.  Oh, and of  course the wild blackberry vines, too, they are notorious. Maybe it was because I just love nature's little surprises.  Anyway, I had the urge to do those delightful squeals Emogene Coca used to do on the the Sid Caesar Saturday night "Your Show of Shows".  And, I just might, if for no other reason than because I can.

Anyway, I'm glad it is still raining this morning.  I'm even glad people are a little late for work, because the freeways and streets are slick and oily and drivers have to slow down.  I'm glad the freezing level is coming down, and I'm glad the edjukated metrolgists are saying maybe, just maybe there might be snow on the mountain.

But, most of all I'm glad to see the itty, bitty green coming up in my yard.  Such a wonderful surprise.

"I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain. what a glorious feeling, I'm happy again.  I'm singing, I'm singing in the rain."

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Thanks to


Tarot.com.  Today's blog is courtesy of one of my favorite web sites.  

And, that's it for now.  Have a great first full day of autumn.

Frankie, Me, Zorro and CC

Monday, September 22, 2014


.....we have any saltine crackers?  It's Frankie.

I try to ignore her, I've been involved with being creative for a couple of weeks now, and I've been on a roll.  I don't like being interrupted when I'm in the middle of an idea or a plan.

Frankie:  Did you hear me?  Do we have any crackers?

I don't respond.  Seriously, if we had crackers, wouldn't they be in plain sight, right where they always are.  I keep working, cut and paste, cut and paste, change background, there, that looks better.

Frankie:  (jiggling my chair)  Crackers?  Crackers!  I'm looking for crackers.

I whirl around and give her 'the look', the one that says, "I've reached my limit, go away, go away now."

Frankie looks at me with that innocent expression of  "What, what, what did I do?"

I resolve to speak in as calm a voice as possible.  "Frankie, can't you see I'm involved with something?  I'm at work, can't crackers wait, or can't you look for something else to eat."

She gives me pout, I've obviously hurt her feelings.

Me:  "Frankie, if we had saltine crackers, they would be on the shelf they always are when we have saltine crackers.  Are there any there?"
Frankie:  "No."
Me: "Then I guess we don't have any saltine crackers."
Frankie:  "Well, we don't have much else either.  When are you going to 'grocery shop'?"
Me:  "I don't know, a couple of days maybe."

I return to my project, Frankie still hovers.  I cooked quite a few entrees a couple of days ago and there are lots of leftovers in the fridge and I remind Frankie of this.  She grumbles but finally leaves the office.

I regret jumping all over Frankie, but, here's the thing.  Creative people are strange, freaky, weird, unusual, oddballs.  We can blankly stare into space for creepy lengths of time, or hurriedly write a jumble of words on to the tiniest piece of paper that ends up looking like some kind of language from outer space.  Trust me, at moments like this it is best to leave the creative person alone.

Which is why I was in such a grumble with Frankie.  Seriously, she has lived here long enough to know there are times I need to be alone with my thoughts and my nimble fingers as they create magic on my computer screen.  The last thing to concern me is saltine crackers and if we have any...or not.

But, now my train of thought has been disturbed, and I can't seem  to get saltine crackers out of my mind.  I wish we had saltine crackers, they would taste so good with some peanut butter smeared across the top of them.

Dang it, Frankie!