Things they never tell you.

Every once in a while I will post something here about getting old...little things, silly things, surprising things that I wish I had known about before they happened to me, like the fart fest I had about a year or so ago.  Honestly, how come nobody told me that would happen...I was so embarrassed...but ever so grateful it happened when I was home alone so only my four legged friends and Frankie had to endure that 'smell-a-vision'.  Geeze.

Today I have another.  Twice this week I had to 'dress up'...I only do this when I know I have to meet the public, or be out in it.  I have a wardrobe full of 'special occasion' clothes.  (I'm sure we all remember my newest addition...the 'turkey suit').  So it was on Wednesday and yesterday I had social obligations and had to dress-up.  Both times, I stayed in my 'nightie' until I absolutely HAD to get dressed.  Mostly I do this because it keeps my good clothes from getting covered in pet fur before I leave the house...at least that's what I used to tell myself.

Now I have to confess.  It has nothing to do with pet fur...and everything to do with comfort.  So, how come nobody every tells you proper looking, proper fitting clothes are so dang uncomfortable.  Honest...Wednesday's dress up was hard enough, and I was able to stay 'prettified' until early evening.  But, yesterday....holy crap...my new bra and almost new panties, the ones that don't sag, have good elastic and actually hold my sagging body parts where they once used to stay on their own, were cutting me to pieces before I had the chance to finish my Olive Garden all you can eat soup and salad.

Seriously, when I left the house, I looked great, I think, although I never know for sure because I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror.  But, what I did see last time I glanced at myself, my boobs were where they should be, and my butt was...well...at least a little firm.  I do, clean up, 'pretty good'.

I'm sure some of you are young, and probably don't look at Old People cartoons, the ones where men and women are wearing sweat suits, and other baggy attire, and in my youth I would poke fun at and giggle about them myself.  Never, ever, would I come to that state in my life where I would depend on sweat suits and other baggy attire.

Oh, my...dearie me...

Yesterday I would have given away my 'pinkie toes' to have been in my comfortable, baggy sweat suit and baggy, elastic-less bra and panties.  I would have so much more enjoyed my soup and salad. 

I could not wait to get home...first thing I was going to do was change clothes.  However, I had to fuss over the dog...let him have a potty break.  Then I had to put the leftover bread sticks in the fridge.  Then a package came...the mail...the interest in what was on TV.  Time ticked away.  My bra was killing me...I head to the bedroom, get distracted...and distracted, and distracted.

Finally, as evening was setting in I make it to the bedroom.  I remove the items that had been restraining me all afternoon...scratch and rub , scratch and rub, scratch and rub, all those places that had been punished all those hours.  It felt sooo good.

So, here's the real 'rub', how come nobody ever tells you, all those cartoons and jokes about old people are not cartoons and jokes at all.  They are true...and fashion houses should start designing clothes to accommodate our 'sagging places".  Make bras with slightly stretched elastic, panties too, when they are manufactured.  I don't need a larger size, it's the damn elastic.  My old bras, my old panties...fit great...cause the elastic has stretch out a bit. 

I know what you're thinking...well Old Woman...just wear your old underwear when you go out.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Did your mother not teach you you never, ever, under any circumstances leave the house in old or dirty underwear...you might be in an accident.  And heaven forbid the paramedics should have to cut those off you.  Plus, imagine the embarrassment that would cause your mother, I see mine 'rolling over in her grave'.

After several days of anxiety,

I'm feeling better today. 

I'm 'imp-ish'...and that can mean only one thing...LOOK OUT FRANKIE.

I've been spending the last couple of hours trying to think of things I can do to her today.  Not harmful things...just things.  Like maybe putting her slippers inside a plastic bag and putting them in the freezer.  Or, maybe sneaking up behind her and snipping a small hank of hair out of the top of her head.  No...it would not be enough to make her embarrassed to leave the house, just maybe 36 to 48 hairs that stand straight up in the air.  Tee, hee, hee.

You know, just enough 'stuff' to drive her crazy today.  Oh, oh...I could sneak into the bathroom while she is taking her shower and remove her clothes...and towels.  Yeah, that's the ticket.  It's only 61 degrees in here this morning...I'm envisioning her turning blue.  Baaa, haaa, haaa.

I could lovingly fix her a cup of tea, she loves lots of sugar in her tea...imagine her surprise when it is super salty instead.  Ooooooh, I'm starting to enjoy these snippets of thought.

I'll wait an hour so after she's made her bed then go in and throw all the covers and pillows to the foot of the bed.  I've a 50-50 chance she won't remember if she made the bed in the morning or not.

I'll hide her book.  And her phone. 

Oh, remember the dog food incident...maybe I could fix her a dog food sandwich, imagine the look on her face...I could mush the food up and put strawberry jam on top.  I bet it will take at least a few bites till she realizes it's not peanut butter.  Hee, heee, heeeee, oh my, these thoughts are getting out of hand.  I had better stop. 

Oooops, I hear her coming...I gotta go....

Hey, Frankie...what's up?

Here I go again.

This blog just might be the one where men in black suits come drag me away.  Sorry, I can't help myself.

So, here is one Rambling Old Woman's prospective.

I didn't hear all of the President's speech this morning, although I heard him say the country was behind and supporting all the people affected by the devastation in Oklahoma.  I'm sure all his words were full of comforting platitudes.  And, I think he was alluding to the fact the government would be there to assist because he had declared it a 'disaster' area.  Really?  I think if you think about the devastation in New Orleans not so many years back they would disagree that the government is going to offer much aide.  New Orleans recovered and moved on, but not so much with help from of the national government. 

I think it has mostly recovered and moved on with the help of volunteers, charities and the citizens of the city itself, who literally dug themselves out, washed themselves off and started over from scratch.  While parts of their city will never be the same it is the spirit of the survivors have brought the city back from the brink.  Where it goes from here will depend on whether the weather plans a future frontal attack.  I'm hoping they have learned from their past and are better prepared for the future. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I'm tired of and disgusted with our national government.  Please, stop making promises you can't possibly keep, stop with the flowery words, stop pretending you actually care. We are so ridiculously in debt from aiding countries around the globe there is no money left to help our own population...we can no longer rob Peter to pay Paul...I wish I had the wherewithal to help.  I wish I had the money to repair the school reduced to rubble yesterday.  I wish I had the money to pay the hospital bills for those injured.  I wish I had the money to rebuild every one's home. 

Realistically, all I can do is pray and send my love to you.

Please God, bless and keep us.

Whethering the weather

I will be the first to admit, I'm a champion of the electronic age.  Hip, hip, hooray.  I don't have a lot of electronic gadgets, put I do appreciate the ones I have, and am grateful someone invented them

That being said, I have to admit, there are times I wish I didn't get news, especially bad news in moments of the event happening.  For quite a while on Sunday I watched the bad weather unfold in the mid-section of our country.  Seeing that huge tornado spread destruction while it was happening, was a terrifying thing to watch.  After a while, I had to busy myself with other things...but I was always drawn back to my television to see what was happening next.  The personalizing of it was especially brought home as the helicopter's skids would occasionally come into view, that I could get a prospective of just how close it was to the tornado itself.  Of course I knew it was not in harm's way, still, it was astounding how technology has advanced that we as a nation were that close to the carnage, too.  Still, the more I watched the more anxious I became, I physically felt myself becoming more and more distressed.

I watched the storms move north, and I thought and worried about my son and his family, who live in Minnesota.  I could see those fiery red images 'loop' over and over again, every fifteen minutes or so advancing closer to them.  They have lived In Minnesota for many years, and one of the first things my son mentioned to me when I went to visit him was what to do if the sirens went off, and where to go in the house for the best safety.  Yesterday I envisioned them all collecting in the lowest level of their home huddling closely together for safety and comfort. 

Of course this morning, as I was watching the news I could see Minnesota had been spared (this time), and a quick note from my granddaughter on facebook reassured me they were all fine.  She said they had some pretty strong thunderstorms, but otherwise came through them flying colors.  Thank, God.

But, today...well...we all know what happened in Oklahoma.  Again, terrible devastation.  I watched, mesmerised.  I was enthralled, mystified, horrified, but mostly terrified.  I could feel my anxiety level rising.  It was bad enough watching that ugly, deceitful, steel grey, funnel, gobble up everything in its path, then spitting out distasteful bits.  It was even worse to see the aftermath, the trail of rubble, that left neighborhood homes flat and useless.

By this evening I began to think maybe electronic gadgets are overrated.  I remember the days of my youth.  We learned things by radio, sometimes it took hours or days to learn about catastrophes.  The closer a catastrophe was, the sooner we learned about it.  The farther away, the longer it took.  Even with the development of television it took time to learn about bad things that happened.  Weather people gave their reports using an outline map of the United States, and used 'stick on' weather symbols.  A sun, white puffy clouds, darker ones with rain, even darker ones with lightning coming out of them at jagged angles, while snowflakes frequently appeared come winter.  We thought it was great and the props were actually quite effective.

Now, well, we've come a long way baby.  It's all good.  Really.  Still, and maybe it's just me and the fact I'm so much older, but watching the weather today, I eventually got exhausted.  I could not watch one more minute.  The media wears me out.  I think I prefer the 'olden' days when we got the news, and then moved on.  Please, I appreciate your technology, and your reporting, but I don't need your repetition or hour after hour reports.  My aging heart, mind and spirit simply can't take it.  Tell me the news, even show me pictures, then give me time to process it before inundating me with minute by minute updates, repetitious reporting, and prerecorded pictures.  I would appreciate that.

Sigh.  I'm going to bed and saying a prayer that those who are homeless have shelter tonight and that there will be no tornadoes tomorrow. 

Ooooohhhhhh, Aaaaaaahhhhhhh

 

Yesterday I mentioned some of the colors in my neighborhood this spring.  Today I'm going to go light on the words, and let you enjoy the colors of  my world.

 

 

My white rhododendron

My neighbor's red rhododendron

My orange azalea

My yellow azalea

My neighbor's purple rhododendron

...or, winding up.

 

Frankie reminded me this morning that I didn’t post a blog yesterday.  I know.  I’ve been working every morning, and some afternoons, too.  This time of year I have birthday and graduation cards to create, and that alone, keeps me pretty darn busy.  And, of course since my storefront is up and operational I have to allow time to work on new merchandise.  At the moment I’m working on things for father’s day, as well as some travel items for women like matching computer sleeves, cosmetic bags and so forth. 

Plus, now that we are back in a ‘normal spring’ weather pattern, things are growing like crazy,  so that between showers I try to keep up with weeding, trimming and vine training as best I can.  The vine training is the hardest because I have to drag out a stool in order to do the job and I really don’t like having to stand on it since last year I once fell off of it.  (I did not hurt myself, thank goodness.)  I suppose this sounds like I’m cranky about having to work so much outside.  I’m not.

I love this time of year, it’s my favorite.  My world is BEAUTIFUL.  I cannot remember the last year the rhododendrons and azaleas have been more magnificent.  They are hanging full and drooping with gorgeous clusters of blooms of indescribable hues.  Reds, pinks, purples, whites, yellows, oranges...I’m telling you it takes my breath away. Yesterday afternoon I stood mesmerized watching honey bees, their pollen sacs hanging full, flit from flower to flower in the white rhododendron by my mailbox.  Such diligence, it was amazing.

As for the ARTS TAX...well, let’s just say I don’t imagine I will ever get that  money back.   Although, I read somewhere, someone said they had hope that the city would…”do the right thing.”   Yeah, right, like that is going to happen.  Should the city decide to do that, I’m sure they will at the very least keep the 0.99 convenience fee.  What do you think?

Then there is the grass...oh, my...Frankie is still shaking her head over the grass.  It is still to early to boast that I was right in just flinging the seed about, or that my diligent watering the way the guy in the store told me made it grow.  I confess, in my heart of hearts I know it was not me that made it grow, but the wonderful rain and cool weather we have had since I flung the seed around.  Also, I think it helped I used up the whole bag of seed because there was some to feed the birds, while leaving enough to take hold and grow.  Sometimes a plan simply comes together...I love it when a plan comes together.

So, I guess this ‘winds up’ the loose ends of this week’s activities...it’s time to move on.  I wonder what next week will hold? 

Hmmm...here’s something to ponder...what’s the difference between ‘winding things up’ or ‘winding things down’.  And, which one have I done here?

 

 

 

Poetic Justice

I just got a call from a very dear, long time friend and follower of my blog.

She told me the city has extended the deadline for paying the ARTS TAX.

Yesterday their system crashed.......BAAAAAAA, HAAAAAA, HAAAAA.

Enough said.