Frankie: "Wow, that's one good lookin' bunch of men."
Me: "Oh, for heaven sakes, hold on to your britches...this is just an ad for some kind of of relationship organization. Those pictures have been there for years."
Frankie: (Leaning in for a better look) "Oh, my...third one in, second row...I want him for Christmas."
Me: "Frankie, if his picture has been in this ad for years, can he really be a winner?"
Frankie: "Who cares, he's gorgeous."
I wheel around in my chair and give her a good bonk right in the middle of her forehead and try to explain these guys are probably models, and if you tried to find them on the match making website he and none of the other guys shown on this web page, or the web site would ever be found. She is not deterred, and tries to get me to go to the web site...'just to see' who's actually there.
I refuse, and jump ahead to my e-mail. I scroll down to my I-Ching daily reminder and click on the mail. There spread across the top of the page is the following:
Don't Waste Your Weekend, lalalady!
Love is both sexy and sweet all weekend, so make sure you're spending it with the right person!
Frankie: (Just about ready to bust a gusset and violently shaking me.) "Go, back, go back. We've got to check out those pictures and order one."
Me: (With all the patience I can muster.) "Frankie...they are not real men looking for relationships...they are models...some are probably actors...most are probably out of work...they are not relationship material.
Frankie: "Are you sure?"
Well, damn, this is not something our 'Big Book' can fix.
Me: "Yes, Frankie, I'm sure. Think about it. If these, good looking, sexy, smiling, irresistible men were actually looking for someone, would their picture still be there for years and years....and years. No, they wouldn't."
Frankie is getting that sad, disillusioned, doe-eyed look on her face. You know, the one like the pictures of puppies and kitties, where their eyes are wide and take up most of their faces...the one where I 'cave' and give in. Well, not this time baby, not this time. I'm gonna' stick to my guns.
I start answering mail and try to ignore her. She sighs. Oh my gosh....so pitiful, so dang pitiful...I can't possibly work with that going on in the background.
Then I remembered something. It's a doll I got several years ago. He's about 10 inches tall, is stuffed with something or other, and used to talk if you squeezed him hard enough. He would say things like "Of course I'll go shoe shopping with you." And, "You look thin, have you lost weight." Okay, the battery died, and he does not talk anymore...but that is more like a real guy anyway. However, the doll does come with an instruction booklet that tells you how to make the 'best use' of him.
I take him off the shelf and hand the whole she-bang over to Frankie. She's not exactly happy he does not talk anymore, but she is delighted with this wonderful new find. She finds the 64 page manual quite intriguing, and disappears.
Whew!
Ladies...if you want one of these dolls, they might still be available somewhere 'on-line'. And, 'in line' with keeping everything kosher, here are the particulars.
Mr. Right
(When you need him)
by Karen Salmansohn
Running Press, Philadelphia, PA 19105
Includes model boyfriend and 64 page owner's manual.
So, if you're looking for a sexy, sweet weekend, Mr. Right is the perfect partner for you, however in spite of what my I-Ching says, my weekend is going to be very unromantic, but very, very fulfilling. Better yet, I don't think I'll see Frankie for quite
a while.
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