Sigh

Remember not long ago I mentioned I had shrunk a bit in size? 

Well, yesterday, that little change in size made a painful difference my enjoyable afternoon outing.  A group of friends and I went to lunch.  Before our group grew in numbers we used to call ourselves the La La Ladies...yesterday's outing was just the original four of us.  It was a lovely time.

Sadly, as the afternoon grew on, I became acutely aware, I had developed a 'hitch in my get along'.  We had chosen a restaurant we had been to several times before, and normally get a table under their covered patio.  However, we got there just at noon, and the patio was filled, so we had to choose a booth inside.  The seat was wooden, no cushion, you sit on bare wood.  The seat was high, and my feet were a good inch, two inches off the floor.  At the time it didn't occur to me this might be a problem. 

As time went on, I began to fear I was cutting off the circulation to my legs, and as in plane travel, I might develop a blood clot...I began to jiggle around in my seat to keep the blood flowing.  I'd inch out to the end of the bench allowing my feet to rest on the floor, but that put my hip joint at the end of the bench, and that began to hurt...I would inch myself back.  I dropped a fork and my napkin on the floor...well, I'm NOT going to try to retrieve those. 

After lingering conversations, and finally ordering and eating fabulous desserts, we  get up to leave.  Oh my, not only had I schooched myself into the booth first, now I had to schooch myself out...uh-oh....ooooooohhhhhhh, the pain.  On the scale of one to ten...honestly, it was probably a one and a half, but in my imagination it was a twelve.  Should I make a scene and scream...or 'take it like a man'.  I took it like a man.

Now, you have to realize, all the ladies went to the 'powder room' before we left the restaurant...except me.  I figured I'd be home soon, there was only a stop at a book store left on our agenda.  I would 'wait it out'.

Remember...I'm in pain here.

So, off to the book store we go.  I love book stores.  Ow, ow, ow.  As normal as I could, I manage to hobble into the store.  We browse.  I'm looking for a chair, they are all occupied.  The floor is starting to look pretty darn good.

One of my friends needs the Restroom. (I could go myself).  So we inquire if there is one for public use.  We are told there is, it is down stairs, she will show us the way.
She pulls open a door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY.

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There, before us is a flight of steps, so rickety, so steep, so unsafe looking, it scared the -you know what-out of me.  My friend backs out...she apparently decided she could 'hold it'.  Me, on the other hand was waaaay beyond 'holding it'.  "Follow me."  Says the sweet young thing.

She is down those steps in a flash.

Me...I'm hanging on to the banisters as though my life depended on them...because they did.  Young lady has disappeared from sight.  Down, down, down to the catacombs.  I eventually arrive there, too.  Ow, ow, ow.

She points me in the direction of the restroom, and goes her merry way.

A cutout of Stephen Colbert is standing at a corner, holding a sign with an arrow on it pointing the way to where I need to go.

I do my duty, and exit the tiny enclosure, I expected to find the young lady who had escorted me here.  She is gone, I'm alone, in a basement, office, storage area, made to face that rickety, steep, unsafe flight of stairs on my own. 

I must confess, I was terrified.  What if I was half way up them and some horrible demon grabbed me by the ankle and swallowed me whole...More practically thinking, what if I fell, broke something...how long would it be before someone found me...yelling and screaming would certainly not help...only the demon would hear me.

Somehow I found the courage to mount the steps.  Going down was hard...going up...ow, ow, ow, ow.  I was never, ever, so glad to hear peoples voices, and be back in touch with society.  I found my friends in a nook.  One said I sounded winded...she had no idea...I was, and I was also in pain.  The floor looked damn inviting, and since the chair was taken...I slumped down to it, never giving a thought as to how I was going to get up.  UH-OH.

We finally decide to go to another store, and I extricate myself from the comfort of the floor.  Trying to look natural I hobble, hobble, hobble to the shop next door.  Here, I not only look, I buy.  Am I nuts or what? 

Somebody mentions a dress shop, a yogurt cone, a coffee.  I don't want to be the party pooper...but by now my hip and upper leg is screaming.  I announce I don't need a dress, I'm full from the restaurant dessert, and I don't want coffee.  Mercifully, we opt for home. 

I arrive there a short time later.  Good byes all around, and I try as natural looking as possible to walk up to my front door.

Frankie: "OMG, what's the matter with you?"
Me: (Explaining.)
Frankie:  "Idiot."