Saturday, April 26, 2014

Add this to the list.

Frankie:  "Whaz the madda wiz chew."
Me:  "Stop that!"  She knows I hate when she talks like that.

Frankie is well within my personal space and has grasped my chin in her right hand, thumb on one side, fingers on the other; like a mommy does when her kid has leftover lunch on either side of their mouth.

Her head is bobbing and weaving, in and out, in and out as though she's trying to bring something into focus.  All the while she's turning mine back and forth, back and forth.

I try to escape, but her grasp becomes stronger.  She removes my glasses.

"Hmmmm???"  Her voice is quizzical.

Me:  (Still wiggling.) "Hmmm?  Hmmm, what?" I inquire. By now her grasp is so tight my lips are pursed like a goldfish.
Frankie:  "You have a droopy eye."  With her free hand she takes her forefinger and begins poking and prodding my right eyelid.  She pushes it upward, but as soon as she lets go, my eyelid slides right back into place.

I sigh.  I had been living with the assumption I was the only one who knew or saw my droopy eyelid.  I was shocked it was so noticeable.  DANG IT!  Now I'm depressed.

And, here we go again.  How come nobody ever tells you, when you get old, your eye- lids begin to droop?  I still don't have a lot in the way of 'crows feet' at the corner of my eyes, but my eyelids have fallen...dang near over my eye lashes...which by the way, I don't have many left.  Anyway, my eyelids have not only fallen, they have 'folds', so that by the end of some days (depending on how tired I am) my right eyelid, puffy and saggy, has partially closed the eye. 

I know this is true, because as I brush my teeth at night, I wink that eye in an attempt to make the sag go away, thinking exercising it will help.  Blinking does not work either.  Apparently this is an old person malady.  What's shocking is I really, r-e-a-l-l-y believed this was a secret I could keep to myself.  I was utterly shocked to find that Frankie discovered it. 

She eventually let go of my chin,  I retrieved my glasses and put them back into place.  I'm angry at her and I suspect she's going to tease me about this all day.  Instead, she has sympathy.  Kind of.

Frankie:  "Well," she says, "There's one good thing about this."
Me:  "Yes, and just what might that be?"
Frankie:  "You'll soon be able to save money by not having to buy mascara, eye-liner, and shadow anymore, nobody will be able to see that junk what with all the droop and folds, and stuff."

I've got a gigantic urge to poke her in the eye...maybe both. 

Me:  "Thanks, Frankie.  That helps a lot."
Frankie:  "Hey, we could buy some cucumbers, you could cover your eyes with some nice cool slices every day.  That might help, too."
Me: (Insert grunting.)
Frankie:  "How about School Glue, remember how you told me you used to cover your hand with it, let it dry and make a hand print.  Maybe if you put it on your eyelids, and held them up till the glue dried, they would stay in place all day."
Me:  "Yeah, right."

"Hmmmm?"  (Imagine me thinking.)
Me:  "Frankie, where the heck did you put the School Glue?"

So, remember folks, add this to your list of 'things they never tell you'.  You will develop eyelid droop.  It's not pretty, but it is inevitable.  Go look for your School Glue.  Hey, it might work, it   just   might   work.

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