There are times we have had to deal with great disappointments in our lives. Trust me, some can be difficult to deal with, and holding on to a grudge can be satisfying...up to a point. Then, time comes, it's just a heavy weight around your neck, I guess like an albatross. It no longer has a purpose, but you don't want to be the one to 'cave' so to speak.
For a long time I held a grudge. It was against Birdlady. Man, the animosity I had for this woman went on for a couple of years. I don't like using the word hate, so I won't but my dislike for this person was my albatross. Every time I saw her while I was outside I would make a bee-line to my front door. Not even wanting to look at a person is pretty bad don't you think?
Plus, since she is the neighborhood Queen, I was never quite sure if (in her mind) she thought I was doing something unlawful to harm, or disturb neighborhood, and turn me in to the authorities (again). As a result, I steered as clear of her as I could. But, as I say an albatross around the neck gets pretty heavy, so last year, one morning, I simply said 'hello' to her while she and her husband were out for their morning constitutional. Suddenly, my albatross was gone. Whew, it felt super good to have that weight gone.
As a result, the 'hello' grew into short sentences, "How are you?" "Nice day isn't it?" And so on. Then this morning I was out with Zorro at the same time Birdlady and husband were walking home from their daily ritual.
To my surprise, she said, "Say, I have a question for you."
Really? (Should I be afraid? What had I done now?)
I was flabbergasted. Actually, she had a question about an unpaved street that abuts their property and wanted to know if I knew any history about the street and whether it had ever been vacated. I didn't. She said the city wants to pave it, with the homes lining the unpaved section sharing the expense of the paving. She was appalled, and said their share alone would be in the two hundred thousand dollar range. I was not surprised. When our section of street was paved, we too had to bear some of the expense, which we did over the years on our taxes.
Obviously, things have not changed, but the expense of paving has. Now, she indicated to me that "...those of 'us' on the street 'we' (meaning 'me' and my neighbors) would also have to share the expense". Hmmm, well, that's a new wrinkle. But, since she is the neighborhood Queen, I'm gonna' let her do her thing. This could take years to work out...I could be dead and gone before it's resolved. She's not about to give up her albatrosses, I think she enjoys carrying them and this street paving thing is just another necklace.
Anyway, during the years she was my albatross, I refused to share my rhubarb with her, and this morning, I asked her is she would like some, and she said yes. I gave her several stocks, she said she's going to make jelly. I hope it turns out to be yummy.
In the meantime, I'm sure glad I've let go, made peace and moved on. My heart is light.
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