Everybody knows babies need bibs, they help to keep their clothes neat and clean during feeding times. Not only do babies have the tendency to spit unwanted food out of their mouths, they also slobber...a lot. These bibs, generally have something cute written on them like "I'm grandma's favorite", or "Kiss me, I'm cute"...let's face it, they are grandma's favorite and they are always cute enough to kiss even if they happen to have mashed carrots or beets smeared across their chins.
I've recently discovered, old people need bibs, too. Seriously, I cannot remember the last time I've not dropped some kind of food product down the front of me.
Just the other day, I down-graded one of my t-shirts to 'everyday' status. It is one of my favorites, it has a wolf printed on the front of it. I didn't want down grade this particular shirt, but knew it was time, because some of my 'already down-graded' shirts were ready to 'down-grade' to rags.
Anyway, at the time this down-grading occurred, I didn't even think about what the outcome of this was going to be...until I ate. Splat...there is was, a healthy blob of salsa, just above the head and between the ears of this beautiful wolf. I sighed, took my fork, and with the edge of it scraped off the salsa and put it into my mouth. Then, I walked across the room and grabbed a tissue to remove as much of the red stain from my shirt that I could. It was only then I noticed, the blob, like the slime in 'Ghost Busters' had dribbled down the shirt in a perfect straight line. Dang it!
I really don't want to become one of those 'old people' who tuck a napkin in the clothes just under their chins...that looks so tacky. Plus, surely I'm not that old to begin with. Maybe I just need new glasses. Maybe I need to work on the 'aim' to my mouth. Maybe I need not put so much food on my spoon or fork. Surely this must be my fault, and can't possibly be related to age. Sadly, it is. I know this because yesterday I was watching some show on TV in which a group of people were gathered around a table partaking food, and to my horror, it was the 'old people', particularly men, who had gigantic white linen napkins tucked under their shirts, just under their chins, and tucked at their waists, under the belts of their pants . I gasped and shuddered! No, this cannot be.
And, in that exact moment I knew I needed a large, linen napkin to tuck in my shirt, just under my
Then, this morning I knew I had to warn everybody...your day will come...be warned...someday your day will come when you realize no matter how careful you are, or how slowly you eat your food some will, somehow, end up on your clothing. Now, I would like to console you and say this dribbling, dropping malady happens only in the privacy of your home, but that is not the case. Oh no, I've dribbled and dropped in the finest of restaurants in front of the finest of folks. Here's the thing...I've found, (generally speaking) NO ONE will tell you you've got gravy, salad dressing, spaghetti sauce decorating the front of your 'goin' to a town 'meetin' clothes. I confess, I don't inform folks myself because I think if I say something it might be more embarrassing for them to know, than for them not to know. However, on the other hand, if we are told, we can remove the object before it has time to set and permanently stain our clothes. What does Emily Post have to say about this?
Anyway, I've come to the conclusion 'old people', like babies, need bibs and that they should have cute little sayings like "my grand kids love me" or "I'm no longer cute, but kiss me anyway". Oh, oh, wait....they could be decorated with neckties for men, and jewelry for women and come in a variety of colors so when we leave the house no one will know it is not meant to be part of our outfits. Yes, that's the ticket.
And, there you have it, you've been forewarned, old people spill food...down the front of them, all the time, so stock up on bibs and store them away, some day you will need them.
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