Sqqquuuaaaa!!!!!!! Squuueeee!!!!!!!!! Squuuuuu!!!!!!!!!

Sqqquuuaaaa!!!!!!! Squuueeee!!!!!!!!! Squuuuuu!!!!!!!!!

Good heavens to Betsy….is somebody getting murdered.  What in the world is that terrible racket?

I’m racing through the house trying to track down the awful sound that seems to be surrounding my neighborhood.  It kind of sounds like an old World War II air-raid siren, or maybe…oh, my word, I hope nothing is attacking my collection of birds and fowls…I dash to the back yard…where I have allowed my feathered friends to get a little fresh air and to flesh out whatever creepy, crawlies might make a nice snack.  Nope, all is fine there.

The noise is getting worse and worse and louder and louder. 

Frankie:  “Holy, crap…now I’ve seen everything.  Quick, quick, quick…get your body out here.”

Frankie sounds frantic.  I don’t run much anymore, but I begin to fear the worst, make a dash for the front door.

Squuuuuueeeeeee,  sqeeeeeeeuuuuuuueeeeee, squuuuuuu    uuuuu     uuuuuuuu

There, smack dab in the middle of the street are eleven Pipers Piping, not with lovely flutes, piccolos,  clarinets and trumpet or two my imagination always saw.  No….I never…ever….dreamed my Pipers Piping would be dresses in red and green tartan kilts, with matching shirts and pom-topped tammy hats trying to inflate their bag-pipes.

But, that’s what I got…oh, yeah, buddy, that’s what I got.

Did I ever mention I loathe bagpipes?  And one of the things on my ‘bucket list’ is to rid the world of them.  Well it is. (Sorry if that hurts anybody's feelings.)

Dang…and just when I was beginning to think My True Love was getting a handle on this gift giving business…well, except for the Maids Milking which didn't work out too well, and the Lords a-Leaping that were a bit disastrous also…he really did do a pretty good job.

This time, however, things have gone wa-a-a-y beyond the Milking Maidens and the Leaping Lords.

Neighbors are standing in the street, my yard, my driveway, while the pipers are desperately trying to squeeze songs like jingle-bells, out of their bags and pipes.  I’m telling you, the sound was horrific.  How long was I going to have to endure this?  The crowd was growing, and it seemed everyone was enjoying themselves…there was actual tapping of toes…and clapping of hands….even Frankie was fully engulfed in all this levity.  Has she gone mad?

I, on the other hand, wanted to bury myself down deep into the nearest mole tunnel, curl up and die.  

Just about then a police car arrived. 

Sqawwwwwwweeeeeeeeuuuuu-uuuuu-uuuuuu….uu…u…went the bag-pipes.

Mr. Policeman asked someone who was responsible for this ‘Parade’, in unison, bodies turned, and all fingers pointed my direction.  Oh, crap.

Mr. Policeman:  “This your parade?” He asked as he approached my front stoop.

Me: “Er, I guess so.”

Mr. Policeman:  “You got a permit?”

Me:  “No, sir.”  And I try to explain about the gifts I had been getting from My True Love, and how I was trying to get things worked out and….(and all the while I’m hoping the ducks and the geese and the chickens don’t make an appearance just now.)

Mr. Policeman nods politely and occasionally rubs his chin as I try to talk my way out of this. 

Mr. Policeman:  “Well, I think you better wrap up this little party, okay?  It’s almost Christmas, so I’m not going to give you a ticket.”

He then turned and faced the crowd.  “Okay, folks, break it up…time to go home.  You!  Fellas with the bag-pipes!  Come with me.”  He looks back at me and winks.  “I know a guy who hates bag-pipes…he’s gonna’ l-o-v-e this Christmas present.”

                        

Andrew McNabb

How to Appreciate the Great Highland Bagpipe

Any complex style of music requires understanding to be fully appreciated. Many people find classical music boring. They only listen for the melody, so they completely miss the variety of instruments and the interactions between parts. In contrast, a person who can recognize and listen to multiple parts finds that doing so brings out the beauty of the music. Similarly, someone who is familiar with the range of a trumpet is amazed when a skilled musician plays octaves higher than seems humanly possible, while other people simply enjoy the tune.

Bagpipe music is enough different from most standard western music that even trained musicians generally fail to fully appreciate it. Familiarity with the instrument and its art is what turns a loud noise into music.