Things they never tell you, Part???

This morning I'm sitting at my vanity applying a healthy dose of makeup, and I do one of those quick suck in your breath things.  What the heck is that?  I lean in closer to the mirror and suck in my breath again.

Noooo! There is a huge, long, thick, black thing receding into my nose each time I breath in.  I lean in closer.

"FRANKIE!!!!!!!!!"

She quickly appears at the bedroom door.

Frankie:  "What?"

I point to my nose.  "Do you see that?"

Frankie:  "Sure, I've seen your nose since the day I moved in."
Me: (I'm becoming pretty agitated by now) "Not my nose, the thing hanging out of it."
Frankie:  "Oh, you mean the 'hair', Yeah, I've been watching it.  Ugly little rascal isn't it?"
Me:  "You've been watching it grow?  Why didn't you tell me?"
Frankie shrugs, "It's no big deal to me.  Besides I didn't want to embarrass you "
Me:  "Well it is a big deal to me?  And now I'm even more embarrassed that you knew and didn't tell me."

I want that, that...THAT THING gone and I want it gone now.  How many people have seen it, were they disgusted, giggly, appalled?  I was except for the giggly part.  This was definitely not funny.

I start to rummage through my make-up drawer looking for my tiny hand held hair trimmer.  I find it, it hums to life, and zip that nose hair is gone.  If one nostril has some, the other must, too.  So, I give that a quick trim, also.  Whew!

Frankie leaves the room secure in the fact I have calmed down and that I'm not going to slit my wrists, although I'm still pretty perturbed that she never said anything about the nose whisker I have had since who knows when.  Well, I'll get even, no peanut butter and crackers for her today.

So much for growing old gracefully.  And once more I have to ask why does no one ever tell you these things happen when you get old?  Okay, now I'm starting to giggle, it was just one stupid tiny black hair...it was where it was growing that threw me for a loop.  Arm pit hair, gone...leg hair...only in silly little patches that I seldom shave in the winter...why bother... but, to have them move into my nose????  Isn't that quite ridiculous?

Oh my, do you thing my ears will be next.