Thinking

Yesterday my family had and unexpected, sad, still unbelievable experience.

My niece's husband passed away, he was 45 years old.  Oh, there was so much more life that could have been lived.  We don't know yet the circumstances of his passing.  An autopsy is going to be preformed.  Of course we are speculating the circumstances, but, like Paul, he was alone, so his last minutes will be a secret between him and his Creator.

A wonderful wife and three lovely children are left behind.  Full of fear of tomorrow, Sorrow from the loss, and wonder...oh, the wonder.  I wonder how we will survive.  I wonder if we could have and should have done something, anything, to prevent this horrible thing from happening.  I wonder if we loved enough.  I wonder if we laughed enough....I wonder if______________.  Fill in the blank.

Harold marched to his own drummer, was a very unique man.  He suffered from panic attacks, something I myself live with.  So, I know there were days that were difficult for him.  Especially during the times we want to hibernate, while the world demands our attention.  He was a good husband and father, accepting his step-daughters as his own.  However, it is his son that will suffer the most, he is much younger than the girls, and has a great deal to process not just in the days and weeks ahead, but for the rest of his life.

I talked with my sister last night, they are coping the best they can...I told her my daughter said she would drive me up to be with them, but she told me that her grand-daughter told her to tell me, they are in a stage of cocooning.  I get that.  We all handle grief in our own ways, we were raised to know that death is not the end, but a new beginning.

A friend who had MD once told me she was afraid to die.  I remember saying to her that I thought it was okay to have a fear of HOW we might die (some are pretty horrendous) but there was no reason to fear death.  She seemed comforted by the words.  She passed away at a young age, too.  She suffered from seizures and had one while she was home alone, with no one to help her.  I was there when EMT's and police arrived, I was comforted that her struggle was over and that she was finally at peace.

I feel the same peace for Harold, his struggle is now complete.  But the love he has for his family continues to live on and will for the rest of THEIR lives.  He was a good man, and will be missed.

Our family saying has always been we come from good, strong Shaffer stock, and that will be our comfort and support.  And, our faith in 'a better place' will give us the strength to see us through.

As I wrote on facebook this morning:  This chapter of you life was already written, The Lord knows what is in the chapter ahead. Rely on Him for your strength.


   So be it with you...so be it with you.