Things they never tell you.

Growing old is a funny thing.  Funny as both peculiar and funny, (ha, ha, ha).  If you want to view the end of the tunnel of this phase of your life you might as well enjoy both of them, because they are interconnected and certainly related.

Take for instance a talk I had with my sister this morning.  Out of the blue she mentioned how hard it is now for her to cut her toe nails.  I was over come with giggles.  Of course I know how hard it is to cut your toe nails.  I've had that problem for quite a while now.  I used to be able to fling one leg over the other, turn my foot into any position I wanted, and have those suckers trimmed in minutes flat.  Now, not so much.

One of my daughters a couple years ago suggested I put my foot up onto the toilet seat cover and lean over to trim my nails that way.  Good idea, just didn't work for very long because of my eyesight which is 'not so good'.  I need a closer observation as to what I'm doing, and finding the best position in bending over from the hips, and bending my leg from the knees...well, let's just say my body does not bend so well any more.

So, the nail trimming job that used to take just a few minutes takes quite a bit longer.  In addition to the bending problem is the fact that my nails are now hard as nails (yes, I mean the kind made of metal).  You see, another thing they never tell you about getting old is that your toe and finger nails get tough.  Oh...so...tough.  I can no longer depend on the little clippers to do the job anymore, I had to go and buy the giant size clippers to do the job. 

Oh...and here's a bummer thing, too.  After decades and decades of wearing shoes, my toe nails have taken on shapes I cannot describe.  Seriously, I've no words.  Of course, these hard to describe shapes are part of the reason they are difficult clip.  Oh dear, I'm starting to giggle.  Shapes?  Toughness?  This is all so ridiculous because in addition to the shapes and toughness I barely reach my toes, shoot, I can barely reach my foot.  Is this a sad state of affairs or what?

Anyhoo, as my sister and I continued conversing, I happened to mention there is an alternative, as my local Community Center monthly newsletter points out. In it there is always a schedule of events, one of which is a nurse who comes to trim old peoples toe nails.  How embarrassing!  In addition to needing help to do a job I've done for myself all my life...to have a stranger see my OLD FEET is simply put, disgusting.  Dear Lord, never let me come to the point I must have someone to do that job.  My sister agrees.

In conclusion, I'm simply putting this out there as another thing you can add to the list of things I'm telling you are going to happen as you age, so you won't be surprised when the day comes you have to buy your own giant sized clippers, and realization hits your hips and knees don't bend the way they used to.  This is all part of the growing old joke, mean-spirited and unsettling as it is.

What can I say, welcome to the club.  Oh, and keep laughing.