Here Comes the Bride, Chapter one.

Once upon a time....


....there was a Grandma who was invited to her Grandson's wedding.
 
In Grandma years, it had been an eternity since she attended a wedding.  There were many things that caused her consternation. 

What to wear, for instance.  There was very little in her closet, except casual attire.  Certainly, nothing appropriate for a formal occasion.  And although she had, years before, purchased several pairs of  'sensable' dress shoes, she could probably count on one hand the number of times they had been worn.

Internet savvy Grandma that she is, she went on-line browsing every women's clothing catalog imaginable, and eventually settled on a beige suit.  Nice, neutral, beige...she knew she could accessorize it 'to the hilt'. 

Then, of course, what is Grandma protocol regarding weddings?  She gave great ponderance to this as well.  What is modern day etiquette?  Grandma, of course, being not so much of sound mind...laid low, figuring she would simply show up, blend in with the background...and be a happy little camper.

Poor Grandma.  She sure got that wrong.  Grandma's daughter...mother of the groom, called a week before the wedding to say, pictures would be taken, and to be at the church at six.

Oh, my, thought Grandma...although she had altered her 'uncooked turkey colored' suit, she had really not given any thought to the 'accessorizing to the hilt' part of this saga.  Grandma began throwing open drawers, blouses, sweaters, scarves, necklaces, littered the bedroom.  Pinks, she had been advised were going to be the wedding colors. 

Grandma was desperate.  Nothing seemed to work...The suit had no collar, and unfortunately, neither did her blouses and sweaters.  What was she to do about her sagging, wrinkling neck?  Time ticked by...it was the eve before the wedding for God's sake.  What was she to do?  Grandma was very unhappy, and had worked herself into quite a state.

"Where's my pills?"  She asked.

Then, just as desperation sat upon her...(quite literally)...heavy weighted on her chest, Grandma spied a sweater, a lovely, peachy/pink...why had she not seen it before?
Oooooooh!  Salvation!  She added a white Dicky (yes, I know you have not idea what a Dicky is) that nicely covered her waddle of a neck...she went to her jewelry box, and found some lovely brown beads, added some pink earrings, a splash of bracelets, and switched her beige shoes for brown. 

Finally, grandma was very, very happy, she took a pill and went to bed.

Let the wedding day arrive. 


Chapter Two


Grandma awoke Friday morning, all a twitter.

She decided she was going to devote the whole day to making herself as 'Prett-i-fied' as possible. Being not so much of sound mind, she began to catalog in her foggy brain all the things she must do.

She decided to start with her hair. She gave herself a 'bit of a trim', and a color.

While waiting for that process to complete, she tended to additional items on her mental to do list.

Extra piddle pads for puppy, Check.

Printed Google directions to church, Check.

Peanut butter toy, filled and at the ready, Check.

Okey, dokey...Grandma is ready for a long, hot, shower.

Grandma emerges from the steam, pink, wrinkled, and...unshaven. Uh-oh. She grabs her razor, and quickly shaves before her skin has a chance to dry. Lotion was applied. Whew...

Now, anyone who knows Grandma knows she is most particular about her make-up. And, today being such a special occasion, she was even more particular than usual, so that process took until almost noon. Once she was happy with the end result of all the creams, lotions, and powders, she decided it was too early to dress and went back to her mental to do list.

Turn on lights, (it will be dark when she gets home). Check.
Turn on TV (so burglars will not know she is not at home). Check.
Make sure windows and doors are locked. Check.
Set out camera. Check.

(Grandma hopes you get the drift.)

Tick, tick, tick.

Daughter is coming to pick Grandma up at two. It is finally time for her to dress.
Oh my, the moment has arrived. In Grandma's mind...it's all going to be good.
It has been eons since she had worn stockings, she sat on the edge of the bed and gingerly, carefully pulled them into place. All she needed was to put a snag in them, or worse, cause a run. Next came bra and slip.

Grandma, began to feel claustrophobic. There were still layers to go..."Oh my," she thought..."Where's my pills."

Next came Dicky, followed by peachy/pink sweater. Then came 'uncooked turkey colored' suit. Grandma thought about looking in the mirror, but fear overtook her, perhaps she should save that until after she had accessorized.

Last, but by all means not least came the shoes. Ouch, they pinched, just a tiny bit.
Grandma knew her pain level very well, she could handle this. However, she did worry about slippery floors and carpets, and didn't want to slip, fall or otherwise make a fool of herself so she went to the kitchen, took a steak knife from a drawer and carved nicks into the soles of her almost new brown shoes.

There was only one more thing to do...look in the mirror...oh me, oh my, Grandma was

...was

...was ready...'come on wedding'...'let the show begin'.


Chapter Three


Grandma and Daughter arrived in the picturesque village where the wedding is going to be held. Not only had they arrived on time, they arrived at the correct location, unlike some folks who Grandma prefers to allow to remain nameless.

It was a charming little church. Grandma was impressed with the simplistic decorations, this was the way, in Grandma's mind, a wedding should be. There was not a lot of glitz, and glamor. This was God's home, and I know He was proud this was not just about Grandma's family, but that He was at the center of this occasion.

Grandma was happy, so, so, happy and bursting with pride. Here was her family. Spruced up, shiny, like brand new pennies. Grandsons' and Dad in tan tuxedos, Granddaughters' and mom in lovely spring pinks.

Grandma was delighted to see the other grandmas', bedecked jewels as well. As the time for the ceremony approached, the grandmas' were told the groom...her handsome grandson, would personally be walking them to their assigned seats.

Oh dear...Grandma was going to cry.

The music began, Grandma was seated. Right next to the mother of the Groom.
The wedding party entered. Bride's maids, maid of honor, ring bearers, flower girls.
And finally the bride. Her hair, black as raven's feathers, gown as white as snow. A bouquet of pink roses in her hand. Soft music played in the background as she approached the alter.

The room was hushed. Grandma was bursting with pride. Love oozed from every pore.

It was grand.
It was glorious.

It was exactly the kind of wedding every Grandma wants for her grandchildren.

Photo, courtesy of: tiny wishes photography, by BETHANY BUTLER.
The end.