Saturday, August 3, 2013

...true confessions.

I don't know about you, but I have irrational stuff that scare me.  And since today is my birthday, I'm going to confess some of them to you...a kind of 'letting go' kind of thing, although I know I won't because I've had these fears for as long as I can remember, and I know they will go to the grave with me.

I'm afraid of pop-corn.  I almost choked to death on that horrible brown stuff that clings to each kernel, and I've not been able to put another popped kernel in my mouth since.  That was one damn scary moment.

There are some cloud formations that frighten me silly.  Not the big, white, puffy kind that my imagination can make look like butterflies and bunnies.  But the angry, black-y, brown-y, grey-ie, kind that hover barely above the tree tops.  The way they roll about, I swear they could swallow me up.  Sometimes they have a hue to them that make me think the devil resides in them.

Then, there's water.  Oh, my goodness.  I've forever had a love/hate relationship with water, not good old tap water of course, but the uncontrollable rushing flood water, and angry sea waves pummeling the shore line kind.  I had relatives that had a cottage on a dam while I was growing up, and we would occasionally go there.  (It had an Outhouse, that at night, we would have to take a flashlight to go visit.  It smelled awful....but that's a whole other story.)  Point is, when we went there, we were automatically expected to:  1. Go for a boat ride.  A.  Swim in the water.  OMG, OMG, OMG.  1. The boat ride was always terrifying, how deep was this dam, anyway.  And, A. Inching my way off the land into the water to go for a dip was just plain gross.  First there were rocks, then there was mud and heaven knows what swimming and crawling around in there, and finally...there was no bottom.  Picture me retreating to the shore...I was done, man.  I had fulfilled my obligation.

I'm afraid of the dark.  Not the inside, the locked house dark...(unless a storm has cut off the power), but the outside, (must I really go out there) kind.  Mostly because I have always had horrible depth perception, and have a hard time...well, perceiving depth.  Oh the ankles I've turned, and the steps I've stumbled on.  Plus, you never know what is lurking just beyond your vision, is Big Foot, out there, somewhere.

One of the things that scares me the most, is when I feel a fainting spell coming on.  I can feel myself losing control as slowly, my peripheral vision begins to turn black and  close in.  My breathing begins to shallow, I get light headed...I once walked straight into a wall and fell.  My mom had the same affliction.  I learned from her to carry a small bottle of 'smelling salts' in my purse, also, to head for the freezer department in stores; putting my wrists on some frozen food always helped 'bring me around'.

I fear fire trucks (but not firemen), snakes, peeping-Toms, escalators, lightening, thunder, falling, breaking a hip, and getting to old to do stuff I really, really, really like to do.  I'm sure I could probably continue this list till the cows come home, but I've already told you w-a-a-a-y more than you ever wanted to know about me in the first place so, I'm gonna wish myself a very Happy Birthday, and set about enjoying my day. 

I've had one heck of a good life...and it's been one hell of a ride.  Hope your life is and gonna be the same.

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