Temptations

Over the years I've been tempted by advertisements of all kinds.  Big and small. 

Remember those knives you never had to sharpen?

Or, the slice, dice machines that guaranteed you would never have to cry again slicing onions?

How about the blankets with sleeves?

Oh, yes, I've been tempted, but I've never bought any of them.

Although, years and years ago, I did by a month's supply of diet pills that told me I didn't even have to get up off the couch, while the fat simply melted away.  Boy, was that a jip. 

However, there have been a few 'big ticket' items that occasionally lure me with their siren call.

For instance.  The ads for 'instant shade', an awning that rolls down in a snap of your fingers and will reduce the summer heat in your house by 20 degrees.  Oh, that would be so lovely.  It's amazing the amount of heat comes off the concrete slab outside my patio door.  I would maybe to use it for a week over the summer, and for the rest of the year it would remain rolled up under the eave of my house.  Cost to actual use...pretty much outrageous.

Then, there's those gutters that guarantee I will never have to clean them out again.  Here's the thing.  What happens, when the moss grows in there over a couple of years, and fills the gutter, won't the rain water simply overflow?  Seriously, what is it they say, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is?"  So, even though they promise me a 'holiday special' (free installation) and a $200.00 bank gift card, I simply can't bring myself to purchase these gutters.

Oh, and those walk-in tubs.  I've got a real problem with those, I don't care how many comforting, massaging jets they have I still can't bring myself to purchase one.  Now, they've even added a 'heated seat', which in my opinion was long overdue, simply because, first you have to sit in there while the tub fills up, and second you have to stay in there till the water drains out.  That's a pretty chilly thing for an old person to endure, having to sit there shivering, naked as a jaybird.  You can't even wrap yourself in a towel till the water gets below seat level.  Still I guess they are a very popular item, and I suppose quite 'old folk' helpful, still...that water fill and drain thing has turned me against walk-in tubs.

However, there are a couple of items I think I would buy if the time comes that I would need them.  One is that wonderful cane that will stand alone, and never fall over.  What a wonderful idea.  I have seen now they've added goodies, including a pouch to put it in when you fold it up while you are dining out, or at the theater.  And, it has a built in flashlight, for walking at night. Fantastic!  Also, who wouldn't love one of those marvelous battery operated riding scooters that will take you over any terrain.  Are they great, or what?  Perfect for us 'old folk'  who's legs tend to give out or those who are not too good on their feet anymore.

And finally, an item that has me sitting on the fence...well, a seat, as I ride up or down the steps.  Actually I don't need one of these, as the most steps I have anywhere are two, so I'm pretty sure a seat is not practical at all.  I confess I don't know a great deal about this item, but I've heard they have safety features, for instance, I believe they will stop mid-steps if an object gets in the way.  Picture this, I ride up to go to my room.  While I'm there, grandchild places toys on the steps.  Does that mean I have to stand at the top and yell till someone comes to remove the toys?  Or, do I ride the seat down to the blockage, and yell from there.  Or, do I ride down as far as I can, and walk the rest of the way?  Oh, the ponderings. 

I've heard they will work even through a power outage, but I'm not sure I would want to be on one in the dark, it has no 'seatbelt', and the 'what ifs' could be staggering.  I could get dizzy and fall out of it.  It could stop unexpectedly.  I could be living alone and be stuck for quite some time.  I'm simply not sure they are a good idea. 

Frankly, I'm glad I still have my wits about me, can you imagine all the stuff I could be buying.  Diet programs, exercise equipment, wrinkle creams, make-up, music, DVD's, coffee makers, slow cookers, fast cookers...my kids would put me away.  And, I'd need that. 

"What?"

"I'm coming."

I'm going to go now, Cindy Crawford is calling me.