DANG IT !

By the time Frankie had joined me in the kitchen this morning, I was already in a state.

I was moving around quicker than "The Flash".  "Warp speed ahead, Mr. Sulu."

I had already fed Zorro.  He was quite content.

I proceed to CC's station.  I'm sort of hummm-dee-dummming along.

I've already gotten the lid off her pat'e, ready to dump her daily ration into her bowl, when out of the corner of my eye I see a tiny black thingy.

This is not unusual, I frequently see things that aren't there.  Paul, flying insects, someone walking up my sidewalk, Frankie...you know stuff like that.

However, I notice two black objects, three, four....dozens...a hundred or more.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ANTS!

They are crawling in precise order, scurry, scurry, scurry; one line going toward CC's bowl, another headed back to where ever the ants were going.  They were crawling all over her kibble, and the remnants of yesterday's pat'e. 

I am so grossed out.  The only thing that creeps me out more is snakes. 

My first thought is to, (in wild abandon) spray the entire area with a well known ant killer.  Wait...that might kill me, and my pets.  How would poor Frankie react to find us sprawled across the kitchen floor.

Instead she finds me, with a sopping wet wad of paper towels in my hand.  I had already shaken the ants off the place mat CC's food supply sits on, and taken them to the sink, hot water was pouring over them steaming whatever ants remained to death.

Frankie:  "What's ya doin'?"

I do not reply.  I'm too busy mopping up ants, while they in turn are trying to escape my wrath.  Water puddles, and begins to move in rivulets across the top of the cabinet.

Those ants are sooo desperate, I'm moving at the speed of light.  Dead ants are all over the paper towels.  I turn the towels inside out, so the creepy things are trapped inside and begin swiping the cabinet again, this time going over the edges, and watching to see where the ones are close to escape are going.

A-ha.  The cabinet sits in a corner, next to a window, the ants are coming in a crack at the edge of the window sill.  The sill, curtain, drapery and cabinet meet together exactly where the crack is.  It's down to a battle of wills. Who is more quick?  Me?  Or,those teeny, tiny black insects?  I'm smashing them with my thumb. Pow!  Zonk!  Splat!  Ka-pow!  Zap!  Krunch!  OOOOOOhhhhh!  The carnage.  OOOOOOhhhh!  The humanity. 

I'm totally heartless.

Frankie has been standing in silence, while my arms, hands and thumbs have been engaged in criminal activity beyond comprehension.

Me:  "Frankie, help me move this cabinet."

Before she can take a step, my adrenaline has already pulled it away from the wall.  I don't see anything moving.

Me:  "Frankie, get me the broom and dust pan."

I'm already at the cleaning supply closet, broom and dust pan in hand.

Sweep, sweep, sweep...I'm amazed at how much kibble has gone behind the cabinet since the last time I've pulled it away from the wall.  Wait...have I ever done that?

Meantime, I've already 'flashed' to the office and grabbed my tacky glue.  I squeeze some out and with my finger plug off the holes I feel under the window sill, trying to block of the ants doorway.

Me:  "Frankie, hand me the Ant Spray?"

Before she can move, I already have the can in my hand.  Spray, spray, spray.   Cough, sputter, cough, cough, cough.

Frankie:  "Open the window, dummy."

Great...this is the help I get?

Without a thought, me, The Flash, is out the sliding door into the back yard.  I round the side of the house spray can in hand, ssssssssppppppsssssssss I spray along the ground next to the wall, up the side of the house and then across the bottom edge of the offending window. 

I'm exhausted.  Frankie has been staring at me with a very odd look on her face.  It looks like she wants to say something, but not sure that she should.

Me:  "What????????"
Frankie:  "You do realize you are in your nightgown, don't you?"

Me, looking down at myself.  Well son-of-a-gun!  That's a first!  I've never been outside in my nightgown before.  I take a quick glance around...Frankie and I appear to be alone.  I don't think anybody saw me.

Wait, it's all good...I'm The Flash...nobody really sees The Flash...he's just a blur.