Psych!

Man, I'm really wigged out.

I've been doing the mental games on Lumosity since November, and my Brain Profile Index has grown substantially...except for the last two weeks, when I've falling into a terrible, horrible slump.  I've been slowly, sliding down hill.  I don't like it. 

Here's the thing.

I know my self confidence is to blame. 

After months of mental growth, I had a particularly bad day playing the games.  Okay, it was one bad day, I could live with that.  Stuff happens.

Next day...sadly...that was bad, too.  My BPI, fell another point, I tell myself it's because they are choosing games I'm not particularly good at.  That makes sense, how else is my brain going to grow.  Breathe, Sandra, breathe.

Next day.  Damn.

And the next.  And the next. 

Before I knew what hit me, my index had fallen by 20 points.  I began dreading having to face Lumosity every day...I even missed a few, so shaken was my self confidence.  But, I forced myself to continue playing. 

By the end of last week, my BPI had fallen another ten points.  Yesterday, I was rested, my mind uncluttered, and I was sure I would be able to tackle the games presented to me. 

When I went to the web-site and saw the games I had to play...I panicked.  They were all games that really, really challenge me.  I could not bring myself to play.  Click!  Go away web site, go away.

This morning I knew I was going to have to face those demons.  So I gather my courage and to Lumosity I go.

Raindrops-Math
Word Bubbles Rising-Flexibility
Lost in Migration-Attention
By the Rules-Problem Solving
Bird Watching-Attention

I breathe deeply, try to calm myself, and take a leap of faith.  You know what?  I so lacked the faith I would do well, once again I did badly. 

Frankly, I'm almost at the end of my rope, my hands are getting 'rug burn' as they are sliding down the hemp, and I'm almost where...you know, there's that nice knot...that last place to hang on to...till you lose your grasp and fall.  HANG ON, HANG ON! I don't know what to do. I've come so far since November, I don't want to give up, I know I just need one good day at the games, just one...and my confidence will be restored.  But, I don't know how to make that happen. 

I'm getting mad at myself.  I'm frustrated!  I want to quit!  Plus, I'm filled with 'what if's'.  What if my brain is at capacity?  What if my brain has given up?  What if I become a blubbering idiot?  What if, what if?

Okay, okay...even the best athletes go into slumps.  Maybe that is the simple explanation for my downward-slide.  Maybe I should play extra games, some that are not as challenging, some that will allow me to pick up some easy points. 

Reality is, I need that home-run, that extra point, that three-pointer, that hole-in-one.  That roar of the crowd as I cross the finish line...Let's here it for Sandra....Yea!!!!!!