Things I haven't told you!

I'm here to get you up to speed.  We will not be traveling at the light of speed, 'er speed of light. I just got up and have only begun to drink my coffee. 

I will start by telling you that I have a grandson getting married in early April.  This of course, requires me to wear something other than the two dresses hanging in my closet that are approximately twenty years old.

This meant I had to look for something new, and I began perusing catalogs that arrived in my mail box, and going to various clothing sites on the Web in an attempt to find something that would look good on a lady of my size, age and stature.  I was beginning to panic.  And then, one glorious day I found a suit.  It was a nice neutral color (beige), came in petite sizes, was not 'flashy' and so I thought.  "By golly, this just might work."  Plus, it was on sale...a sixty dollar suit, closing out for 29.99.  This was going to be perfect.  A few clicks of my mouse, and the suit was mine.

I tracked the progress of my suit for days, anticipation rising...yesterday, it arrived.

When the mailman came to the door I was ecstatic, practically ripped the bag out of his hands.  (My first clue should have been the suit arrived in a plastic bag, not a box.).    But, I was not deterred.  I cut open that bag, inside was another see-through plastic bag with my precious suit in it.

I was just a tiny bit disappointed in the shade of 'beige', (to me it appeared a bit on the yellow side)...but I figured with the lovely, pastel, light weight cotton sweater I intended to wear under it, the color would still work well.

Yep, once I had the suit unfolded, it looked exactly like the one in the catalog, okay...is is still all good.  I threw it on over all clothes I had on at the time, and it fit...wow, this was even better, and I could hardly wait til bedtime so I could check myself out 'for reals'.

Giggle, giggle. 

If you didn't have to continue reading, I would ask you to close your eyes to envision this next part.  But, Tee, hee, that is really not necessary.  Tee, hee, hee.  You will get the picture.

You ready?  Bedtime has finally arrived.  I put on my new suit.

Baaa, haaa, haaa.

I look like a 23 pound turkey,,,giggle, giggle,,,just before you put it in the oven to roast,,,giggle, giggle,,,for that long, baaaa, hhhhaaaa, teee, heee, anticipated holiday feast.  Really, the suit is the exact shade of a turkey's skin.  Heeee, heee, heee.

Looking in the full length mirror only enhanced what my vanity mirror already told me.

The skirt is at least four inches too long, the sleeves are about two inches too long as well.  Those are easy fixes...heee, heee, heee....but those shoulder pads have got to go.   Baaaa, haaaa, haaaa,  they make me look like a 300 pound Center on some professional football team.

Haaaaaa, haaaaaa, haaaaa.  Although the label inside the suit jacket specifically says this is a petite suit...in size 18, nothing is petite.  Heeeee, heeee, haaaaa, haaaaa.  Oh dear....am I going to be able to salvage any part of this suit to wear to a wedding without having all the guests wanting to extract some stuffing, and throw on a side of cranberry sauce to boot.

Giggle, giggle, tee, hee, Baaaaaa, Haaaaa, Haaaa.

There is no time left to find something new to wear, so altering this suit is my only option....no....wait...I still have my twenty year old dresses in the closet....if the thread holding them together has not deteriorated, I just might be able to wear one of those.