Things they never tell you

Things They Never Tell you
Chapter One
Bathroom mishaps



I think we are all creatures of habit...we had a dog once that liked to drink out of the toilet, and since I could not train him to stop...I trained my husband and  kiddos' to put the toilet lid down.  This event is about putting the lid down, and what happened to me 'awhile back'.  Why it popped into my head this morning I've no idea, but thought this would be a good start to my book.

No matter how hard an old person tries, at least once a night a trip to the bathroom is required. I hate admitting that, but it is a fact of life, winter, summer, spring or fall, off we go to visit the throne room.


REMEMBER! This is important...

I CAN NO LONGER MULTI-TASK.

So, on this particular night at bedtime I must have been thinking about something else, and forgot to put the lid down, when I toddled off to bed.

It's early morning...maybe 2:30/3:00 AM.  Uh-oh, it's time for my nightly trek.  My bedroom is pretty dark, but so far I've refused to put a 'night-light' in because I don't want to have to admit I need one plus, I have several 'guiding lights' to lead me to where I need to go...the phone has a tiny light, the cable box has an itty-bitty light, and my digital clock is illuminating as well. So, when I need to 'go' I have a pretty good idea where to aim my body.

Off I go.

Naturally, the first thing I do is lift the lid.  Turn around and sit.

It all happened sooo quickly.  Damn...cold porcelain...I had lifted the seat...I start to lose my balance and fall backward.  I grab the edge of the sink to stop gravity from taking over and manage to save my 'butt'.  I mutter under my breath and probably would have blamed Frankie, but she had not moved in yet.

So, I say to myself:  "Self, how many times have you mentally said..."Put the lid down."?  Thirty be-jillion, give or take?  Old people...you can not rely on instinct or habit to do things as usual.  Life does take some one mindedness.  THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

Honestly, do you want to spend the rest of your night stuck IN your throne, waiting for the neighbors to awake in the morning so you can shout for them to come and hall your sorry ass, butt out of it.  Even worse...what if they can't and THEY have to call the fire department to come do the job.  Oh dear, that is indeed an ugly thought.

So, this chapter is all about a few ways to handle these nightly jaunts. One...simply don't go to the bathroom  (yeah, right).  Two.. if you do go, while walking to the throne try to remember if you put the lid down and imagine that you didn't...Or, C, put your ego aside, buy yourself a night light and solve the problem all together.