Thankfulness

I cannot begin to tell you...

...how sad I am this morning.  I've been sitting here at my computer for an hour trying get a hold of my emotions.

I have a very, very dear friend with cancer, and she has been giving it the fight of her life.  I'm proud of her, she's been brave, upbeat, optimistic, and as close to living as normal life as possible.  She has a tremendous support system, including me, even though I am thousands of miles away.

She was part of a study group, and proud to be so, but last night she e-mailed us to say she had decided to stop treatments.  Her doctor agreed, it was time for her to do so.  I was devastated...I just want to cry, and cry, and cry.

I have known this woman since we were still teenagers, eager to become nurses, we were roommates crammed together into a tiny attic room with one other girl, across a short hall were three other girls crammed into an identical room.  We all became friends, although Joyce, Louise and I really bonded.

But you know how life is, I discovered I was not nurse material and left the program.  Joyce and I stayed connected and exchanged Christmas Cards over the years.  But, Louise and I lost touch until a few years ago when on Facebook, she inquired if I was really the Sandra Shaffer she was looking for.  And, I in turn excitedly informed her that I was indeed the right one.

Our friendship was reestablished.  It has been wonderful.  She's funny, active, full of joy, laughs at adversity, and has lived life to the fullest.  We talk on the phone and e-mail...she's also on Facebook, but mostly as an observer...that's okay with me, cause I know she's there.

So, when I got last night's e-mail.  I immediately knew the coming time was going to be bad, bad, bad.  I can't bring myself to say what is in my thoughts, nor actually say the words.  My heart is breaking, my eyes are filled with tears.

Why did I not stay in touch?  How could I allowed myself to miss out on her bringing up her family?  So many years went by I seldom thought of her.

Now that her life is coming to a close, I have only one thought, I'm so thankful she has returned to my life.  She is a wonderful artist, and I am proud and honored to have one of her works.  She has a talented husband who produces electronic CD's and she has shared some of them with me.  She has a granddaughter with a beautiful voice...a daughter, with genetic likeness in personality, life outlook, beauty, and strength.  And additional family I don't really know, and finally tons of friends.

I promised her I wouldn't cry, and I'm definitely trying to be as brave as she is, but today is hard, very, very hard. And, I promised I would be her 'bad breakdown day' support and I will.  So, Weeze, yesterday you said you had your first breakdown, can I have mine today?  Then let's put on our happy face and be a brave as we can.  I will always be there for you.

Dear friend, I am so thankful you are in my life.  You will always, always be there.